The Embarrassing Username Wing
Every handle you discarded by 2010. Including the one with three Xs.
ADVERTISEMENT ?
The pear remembers your 2014 search history.
A small fruit-shaped archive of everything you have ever typed when you thought nobody was watching. We are watching.
FILE_002 // ARCHIVES
SECTOR · 2008
SECTOR · 2014
SECTOR · 2017
SECTOR · 2021
SECTOR · ∞
SECTOR · 0
What the Pear holds.
The Search History Vault
The exact phrases you typed at 2am. The Pear has kept them warm for you.
Deleted Forum Posts
You deleted them. The Pear restored them. They will not be uploaded — unless requested.
Voice Notes Wing
Voice memos you forgot you recorded. Mostly humming and one apology.
Future Regrets Pre-Archive
An experimental wing. The Pear is filing things you have not done yet.
The Apology Drawer
Where apologies are received, sorted, and quietly accepted.
FILE_005 // RATES
Ways to negotiate.
Apology-based pricing. Nothing is refunded. Everything is filed.
Single Apology
$9
- One archive returned
- Standard redactions
- Receipt printed in dot-matrix
Apology Plan
$24/mo
- Three archives per month
- Priority filing
- Pear-themed merch quarterly
- Custom apology templates
Permanent Pardon
$2014
- All archives released
- Final apology accepted
- Engraved cassette token
FILE_007 // APOLOGISE
Submit your apology.
The Pear receives apologies twenty-four hours a day. Replies are issued in non-chronological order.
EMAIL: apology@sorrypear.example
POSTAL: Box 2014, Anywhere Cyan.
HOURS: 00:00 — 24:00, unsupervised.